haveyouseenalittlegirl | Search Nine: Locked to Heather

Because he's the reason you didn't have anyone else in the world!

_{[Now she's feeling defensive. She'll feel terrible for it later-- hell, she feels bad for it NOW. But for some reason, hearing him say that... after everything they've both been through...]

[It feels like an accusation.]

[Even if he says that he trusts her...]

[And Heather's never taken accusations very well. Her voice rises in volume and pitch as she pounds a fist on the table.]}

BULLSHIT, Dad! That's bullshit! That's NOT fair!

No it's not.

[Just looks at her calmly.]

But you know that everything isn't always fair.

[He sighs and rubs his forehead.]

....I don't want to fight over this Cheryl.

_{[It's really too bad that Heather's default volume when she's really upset is 'yell'. She gestures emphatically.]}

Neither do I!

But you can't-- why would you say that?! What're you trying to do, make me feel guilty for... for being his FRIEND?! Like-- what was I supposed to do? Just tell him 'Fuck you, stay away from me' and just-- been all by myself?

He was the only reason I was even-- ... I wouldn'tve even made it through high school if he hadn't been there.

Can't you understand?

[Harry tries not to wince at that.]

...No...I'm not saying that at all.

I don't want you to feel guilty either.

_{[Sob she doesn't like saying this stuff either, Harry. :(]

[There's a flatness in her tone.]}

Well, you ARE.

Fine, so I'm friends with the only reason that I HAD no friends. That's not making me feel like crap or anything.

I mean, gee whiz, he was only the one guy left who actually cared enough to tell me to stay in school, talk to the principal and even the police on my behalf, or to my last few track meets...

_{[She realizes even as she says this that this sounds like just as much of an accusation towards Harry as she felt the 'He's the REASON you didn't have anybody else in the world!' had been towards her. She doesn't WANT it to be, but... she doesn't know how else to say this.]

[It's perhaps for this reason, though, that her voice self-consciously lowers from 'angry' to just plain old 'upset'. There's that familiar croopy sound to her voice when she speaks next.]}

I mean, what was I supposed to do after that? Just stay alone?

Push away the only person who still cared about me?

I did that enough while you were alive, Dad. I didn't wanna make the same mistakes again. I didn't wanna be a stupid ungrateful asshole anymore.

_{[Even if what Douglas had accidentally brought down on them (and the world) sort of balanced out any reasons Heather could have for feeling grateful to him, it was still...]}

Edited 2011-11-18 21:54 (UTC)

[Harry just remains quiet, he's not angry.....just sad.]

No. I'm glad you had someone there for you. And I am happy you had a friend.

....You didn't do anything wrong. I don't want you to ever think that's how I feel about it.

But that ....isn't going to change the way I feel about him. I'm sorry.

I'm not asking you to change the way you feel about him... hell, part of me feels like I should feel exactly like you do.

I just don't wanna feel like crap because I forgave him for what happened.

And I'm pretty heavy with the crap-feeling right now.

_{[... Even if he didn't WANT her to, it's just... how can you NOT when you're friends with someone who caused your father to be a murder victim, and the victim himself hasn't forgiven them for what happened? It didn't seem fair or right. And it's making her feel guilty as hell even if she IS standing by her convictions.]}

.....I'm sorry. That isn't what I wanted.

[That's the last thing he wants really. But he understands why she might feel that way.]

I'm not trying to tell you not to forgive him. But I'm just saying...

[Rubs the back of his head.]

Sweetie, everything you're telling me he does for you...that's what I used to do.

I'm glad you're not alone back home. I want you to know that. I'm glad you have someone to rely on.

But it's just another reminder to me that I can't be there for you anymore.

....I'm sorry.

_{[She knew that was how it was gonna sound... but even though Harry's response doesn't surprise her, it still pierces her like a spear. Her brow creases.]}

... Daddy, he never replaced you.

NOBODY ever could or will replace you.

When I lost you, I ... I lost something forever. That's never gonna come back, back home. No matter who winds up caring about me or looking out for me. It's not the same.

_{[She's made all kinds of friends here in Johto-- including a fair few fatherly types who've all but adopted her. But even the ones she's come to consider family would never be her dad. There's only one of those.]}

[Harry falls silent, her reply....he nods quietly. He understands, but it was something he needed to hear. Even if he wouldn't admit that.]

....

Sweetie.....I just want you to be happy. And I know you. When you saw him, you were hoping we'd get along....

But if that ever happens...it's going to take time alright?

_{[Everybody needs to hear some things, even if those things seem obvious. That had been why feeling his arms around her and hearing his voice telling her that he loved her and was proud of her had been so important when he'd gotten here. It wasn't that she hadn't already known either of those things-- already been SURE of those things. ... It was just nice to be reassured sometimes.]}

That's all I want.

You don't have to like him. I-- ... hell, you can even hate his guts forever. I understand. ... And HE understands.

I just... I just want you to give him a chance, and not be... not be mad. At me. T-that's all.

[He smiles softly at that.]

I can do that.

And sweetie. I'm not mad at you. I promise.

_{[... It's a relief to hear, in more ways than one...]

[When he had disappeared from Johto the first time, it had been right after she had asked him if he was mad at her. She'd never gotten a reply.]

[It's perhaps for that reason that her brows crease upwards and mouth tightens a little bit at those words.]}

... I'm not mad at you, either.

Edited 2011-12-07 09:14 (UTC)

[He smiles at that.]

I'm glad to hear that.

... I just want everything to be okay again.

_{[... sorry kiddo, your dad was murdered and the world almost ended. Things will never be completely 'okay' again. Not even here.]}

We can always try.

[Not completely. But somewhere close to it maybe.]

Just... promise me you won't go away... okay?

_{[That isn't really a fair request... she knows good and well that nobody decides when they do or don't leave this place. But...]}

I promise I'll try.

_{[She nods. ... Then gets up from her seat and edges around the table until she's close enough to wrap her arms around him right where he sits.]

[Nothing had ever replaced him and nothing ever would.]}

[He hugs her back.]

_{[Her mumble is a little muffled against his shoulder.]}

I love you, Dad.

[Hugs her close.]

I love you too dear.

Search Nine: Locked to Heather

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